solstice

solstice this is like daylight wall to wall I have trouble in my soul and my mind isn't clear as all day some heavy weight has strengthen his fist wrapping around my heart I think that maybe soon I am going to die while it would be so nice to live but with this evading love this love which had my heart broken first serious crack happened at the other solstice winter with long nights those have invaded my heart if sometimes I felt weak I wasn't so much but felt heavily particularly at that moment with huge solar eclipse sometimes doubting and vacillating but nevertheless encouraged on long longing path for a new life with hope in spring the rite with bloody sacrifice now I am weak and don't even know how I feel if I survive this solstice I will not erase memories but this mood I must maybe I will try to play this game try to continue with other players the game I could not continue with You but rules will change not only circumstances feelings will change and it will not be the same game at all such was so serious that I almost lost my mind and all my senses when huge knife of jealousy splat my heart in two parts two part to suffer the same pain of this serious injury now I regain my quarters on bicycle here I came in city library to borrow some books and I will drink and I will write pretending to be happy but when I look into mirror I am afraid what I see the face I show by those heavy days full of winds and some rains and often full of sunshine I can't escape all this light and burning rays Apollo pursue my poor being with his vengeance but for what sin? and this is so hot in my place under the roof when the sun insists so I have to move my sorrow away or starve there if I die please burn me to hashes give it to the wind give it to the river and give my books my wells to the poor for there is a hole in my heart since you are gone would had it be better if I never knew You? this I will never know love is a cruel game and sex folly this day will never end it seem nor my sorrow cao qi tried to explain to me that we should not aim to possess those angels and keep for ourselves those are helping hands belonging to everybody to admire and praise I will try to help some others chosen beloved just to be good to earn and prepare better karma bo your waves are tentative and need amplified thoughts and cares life goes one as we said but love is not always everywhere and so often denied and hidden shy or dominated alienated angels are for everybody not for me fallen